35 Days

Motherhood 101…
Everyone has been giving me advice and sharing stories. Not of labor and delivery (thank goodness) but of just what to do as a mother. How to respond, how to discipline, what to give in to, what not to give in to…it’s overwhelming. When I thought of all these things I realized that many contradicted the other. Some prefer time-outs, some prefer spanking. Some think you should start potty training at a certain age, others say let him decide when he’s ready. Oh, the advice goes on and on. I was worried. What would we do? How would we decide which is best? Then I realized, all of these people have great kids. Some of them are my friends! It made me wonder, “Is there a right or wrong way?” No. There can’t be. Whatever Danny and I decide will work and will be our way. I tend to look at the way I was raised and think that’s the way we’ll do it. Danny and I have pretty much the same thoughts but when these situations are real and not hypothetical, who knows?!? I don’t know how we’ll react. All we can do is pray for wisdom in dealing with situations, good and bad. I’m sure that we’ll figure it out just fine.

And then, I am anxious to see how I feel about things. Some moms say they are bored out of their minds being at home with their baby because all the baby does is sleep. Other moms I talk to say they loved and enjoyed that time, wouldn’t trade it for anything. How will I feel? Will I be bored? Will I wish I could keep him little like that forever? Will it be a combination of the two? I don’t know. I can’t wait to find out!!!

There are so many unknowns right now. I am ready to know!

Sometimes I wish people understood more about my life. I think people think Danny and I are a quiet couple who stay home and enjoy the relaxation. When in reality we are the total opposite. Almost every night there is something going on and there are people at our house all the time. We are always on the go and until recently (I’m so tired all the time now) there were many days we left for work in the morning and didn’t get home until late (props to Mom for letting our dog out for us). There was no time to go home. I love that craziness. I love being with friends, family, church. It’s really all I know and it’s all important to me. I am looking forward to the break though. The peace and quiet. The relaxation of Danny and I being home together with Dallas for a few weeks. People tell me to enjoy the peace and quiet now but I haven’t known peace and quiet…..maybe ever. Sure there are times when we feel like we’re going to crash if we don’t take a break, but for the most part we are Energizer bunnies! This has always been a part of my life and it most likely will always be! God has provided us with opportunities to serve Him and to dismiss those would be sad and just plain ungrateful. We love serving Him and His kingdom. What else really matters? Anything else I do is in vain. He is all I want, all I need, and all I have in this life. Moments, things, and people pass away but He is always constant. He is always there!

Random thought...
I could really go for some waffles, hash browns, and bacon right now.

36 Days

Exhausted, fatigued, worn out, beat…..all words to describe how I feel right now. The past two nights I was actually able to sleep, so naturally I would assume that I would feel a little more awake. No, not at all. I’m starting to accept the fact that I’m going to feel this way until the end. I have to get used to being tired, not being able to breathe, feeling stiff, and having swollen feet. Once I sit or lie down I feel like it’s not worth moving lol. It’s too much work and hurts too much. God has truly blessed me with an understanding husband who recognizes when I need to just be “lazy” or go to bed. He is so understanding and I’m so appreciative.

I am really looking forward to being a stay at home mom. Not only for the blessing of being able to raise the child God has given us, but also to be a blessing to my husband. Last night when Danny got home from the gym the house was not only cleaned up but smelled good and felt home-y, with candles burning (that always adds a lot). There isn’t a more “empty” feeling then coming home to an empty house and there is no better feeling after a long day then coming home to a house that’s cleaned up, smells lovely, and feels warm. I remember this from living at home. I loved coming home when mom was there (she usually was) and the dinner was cooking, the candles were lit, it felt like home. I can’t wait to create this atmosphere for Danny on a daily basis. I know he will enjoy it thoroughly. He’ll never want me to leave the house (which is fine with me lol, I’ve sort of become a home-body over the past year).

Today is the first day of Autumn, which is exciting. I absolutely LOVE Autumn. It is without a doubt my favorite season. I love the leaves, the smells, the sweaters, the boots….all of it. And knowing Christmas is coming is a bonus. One of the best things about fall though is Thanksgiving. Is there anything more exciting than gathering with family around a table full of FABULOUS food and enjoying the time together? I enjoy it year after year and can’t wait for Thanksgiving this year. I have so much to be thankful for. And I will have even more to be thankful for by then! God is so good to me, I cannot ever list the abundant blessings He has given me. But if I could only list one thing to thank Him for, it would simply be to thank Him for who He is. Words cannot express how perfect He is.

37 Days

The weekend is over? I can't believe it's Monday already. I had a great weekend full of fun. Sight and Sound was awesome. I thought the Angels wearing heely's was hilarious, and there was something peculiar about Adam and Eve's wedding but overall it was superb as Sight and Sound always is! Saturday was my baby shower at church. It was so beautiful (thanks to my incredible mom) and I got so many things (thanks to my loving church family). We are getting so close to having everything ready, it’s almost scary! I know it’s real and coming fast! We got a lot of clothes (thank goodness because the kid had nothing to wear) and blankets, diapers, bottle warmer, etc. I know I’ll forget something so why continue? One of the best gifts I got was Laura being there. It was something so special and something I will never forget. I am planning to put some pictures up soon!

The baby is moving as much as ever. I'm going to talk to my doctor on Wednesday about some "symptoms" I am having that worry me about going into labor sooner than planned. I'm sure it's all in my head and means nothing but I'll admit I'm a worry-wart lol. So, to be on the safe side, I'm going to ask. I still cannot sleep at night which makes for some long days and usually by the time I get home from work I want to crash on the couch but there is so much to do all the time! It's mainly exciting stuff (for Dallas) so that makes it a little easier.

God is so good! His blessings are so unbelievable! I have never in all my life felt so close to him. He continues to show me things in my life that I never knew before. He is my everything and I want my life to reflect Him! As I have drawn closer to God I have also drawn closer to my husband. We have become more of a “team” recently and it’s awesome. I know this is all in our desire to draw closer to Him and also to see him work in our lives.

For with God nothing shall be impossible. Luke 1:37
This scripture has proven itself true recently in my life. God is showing me that through my faith and dedication He is working to create what seemed like an “impossible” situation to a possible situation! He has given me the desire to wait on Him and trust in Him and slowly but surely He has started to work things out. I cannot even put into words how excited I am or even how thankful I am. This is just such an awesome time in my life and God is working things out to make it even better! I am sooooooooo thrilled!

My God is more than enough
He can supply all my needs
He is my El Shaddai
He always looks out for me
Jehovah Jirah he is my God

40 Days

Wow! This weekend is almost here and I’m so excited. Tonight we're going to Sight & Sound which I LOVE! Tomorrow is the baby shower at church and I can’t wait! I love baby stuff. Danny is leaving super early in the morning to go to a Penn State game with Dad and some guys from church. They won’t get back until later which will be good because I want to put everything away! I’m so anxious to get everything done/set up so that all I’m waiting for is Dallas.

Last night Danny and I had a heart-to-heart talk about a lot of things going on. I poured it out to him (emotionally charged, I know lol) and he listened. I am so appreciative to God. He continues to DAILY renew me and to show me His love, His mercy, His awesome ways. I am amazed at how much more I fall in love with Him every day! I don’t know why He blesses me, but He does.

I feel like Danny and I are on the same page with a lot of things now. Not that we were disagreeing but we just chose not to talk about certain things. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me and I slept soooooo well last night. Peace of mind is a beautiful thing.

One of the many blessings God has given me is such a loving, caring, thoughtful husband. I never have to be concerned with finances. I never have to be concerned that he won’t come home. I know he is always going to be there and will always provide. Many people doubted us in the beginning but God knew what He was doing. He blessed me with a lovely person who cares for me and has evolved into a great man of God.

I am so glad that I have committed my life 100% to God, to His kingdom. Is that why He blesses me? I don’t know! I don't understand His ways. I don’t deserve it, that’s for sure! But I do believe He honors faithfulness and I have faithfully dedicated myself to Him. There is nothing else in this life that is worth living for. Only Him.

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song,
give You all of my praise.
You hold on to all my pain;
with it You are pulling me closer
and pulling me into Your ways.

41 Days

I am finally on the downside of six weeks, definitely a milestone for me. Looking forward to finalizing everything. I’m glad I didn’t do too much in the beginning. If everything was done, I would be so bored!

We keep Dallas’ door shut because we don’t want the cats in there. Since it’s shut, we rarely remember that it’s so awesome there. But every now and then I’ll walk over to the laundry room and I get this urge to go inside the room. I open the door and look around, imagining what it will be like when he’s here. I sit down on a box on the floor and day dream. I think about all the sleepless nights…about holding him…staring at him…feeding him…the crying…the smiling…the first time I hear him laugh…reading to him…playing with him…watching him sleep…………all these amazing things I’ve been waiting for and planning for over the past 34 weeks. This “dream” is about to become a reality. It is going to change our lives forever. It’s not going to be about us anymore. No more jumping in the car and running off somewhere. There will be diapers and a million other things I have to be sure I have with us.

I have this “idea” of how I want his life to be. It’s not perfect, but it’s close. I want to be there 100%. To witness all the beautiful things he’ll do for the first time in these first couple years. I can’t imagine leaving someone I have had closer than close to me for the past nine months. I can’t imagine having to wonder what he’s doing, if he’s crying, if he’s happy, if he’s scared. I want to be there, to take care of it for him. I can’t bear the thought of it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million more times, I am trusting in God 110% to provide and make my desire a reality. I was told it was a selfish wish but I’ve come to believe that it’s a selfless desire. This is all about someone other than myself and making sure that they are taken care of and comfortable. After all, God has given us the responsibility and no one else. I will have to answer for how I handle the responsibility.

God has shown me in the past couple months that He hears me and He loves me, all in a way I’ve never known. The following song is a constant reminder of this…

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call

He has blessed us (Danny and me) beyond comprehension and when I think of all the things He has done or made a way for, it helps me to know and NOT TO DOUBT that this desire of my heart will come to pass. Thank you Jesus for hearing me when I call.

43 Days

Still six weeks to go....seems like an eternity.

This past weekend we got most of Dallas' room finished. All that's left to do is put things away but I'm going to wait until after the shower this coming weekend. We also need to get some things to put up on the walls, they are so bare. We have a few "creative" ideas.

Unfortunately on Sunday I got sick which kind of threw the rest of our plans off for working in his room but overall it looks good. When I first felt sick I was sooooo worried thinking I was getting the flu....or worse, swine flu! I put it out of my head and luckily today I'm feeling about 80%.

I am officially, completlely, without a doubt, 100% tired of this. I'm ready for him to come. I enjoy feeling him move and I love how cute it is when he has the hiccups but I'm just done with everything else. The itching, the back pain, not ever feeling comfortable, not being able to breathe, still feeling sick at my stomach, etc. It's kind of scary to me that I have to go through at least another six weeks but Danny told me today that he thinks Dallas could come early. Not sure why that makes me feel better, he's no doctor lol....but it does.

Last night we went out to dinner with my uncle from Tennessee. He was in town on business so we met up with him. We had the most interesting conversation about religion/relationship with God. It got be thinking in ways I never had before. It also made me realize how thankful I am for my relationship with God. I want to be careful though that religion doesn't get in the way. I love our church and our organization but it's so easy to get caught up in those things that we lose sight of what's really important. I am making it a point to sing Heart of Worship everyday (maybe twice on the days I'm a little stressed out over church stuff lol) to keep me in check. To remind myself that it's all about Him and it's all for Him. Programs and set-up will pass away but true worship in what I say and do will not pass away.

47 Days

Today isn't necessarily about baby things. Tonight Danny and I are having something for the young people called PDF Night (stands for - prayer, discussion, fellowship) in an effort to encourage their spiritual journey and group harmony. The prayer and fellowship parts don't really involve planning as they happen organically however, we needed to come up with a discussion. Danny has been extrememly busy with work and trying to do things around the house (isn't it amazing how you buy a brand new house thinking it won't need work because it's new and you find yourself fixing things constantly) so I offered to come up with a discussion. I had something that I felt would be appropriate however, in my devotion this morning the Lord gave me something that I wouldn't necessarily have chosen but makes sense.

We are like lab rats...going through the motions, generally for someone else's gain. Sure, we as humans work to make the money, but the work itself isn't necessarily beneficial to us, it puts stress and strain on our lives. Because of how mundane it becomes, it's easy to grow weak. It is common sense that when you are weak it's very easy for things to come against you and even take you down. Ephesians 6:10-13 is a lovely passage that many of us know and think, "Oh yeah! We're going to fight the devil!", when in reality it's not about fighting, it's about preparing. We all deal with the evils of this world and when we're weak, we can not adequately stand up to it. Being strong in the Lord, putting on the WHOLE armour of God, that is what keeps us and what prepares us. So whether it's just another situation or a real battle, we are prepared for victory!

God is so good! I am drawing closer every day and it's so exciting as He reveals things to me. Things that I understood differently because of my own self, but He has shown me its intent and its purpose. I want to live a life of purpose, not just going to through the motions! There is a wonderful song by Matthew West called "The Motions" that talks just about this very thing which in turn, relates to the passage of scripture that the Lord gave me this morning...

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"