23 Days

Still no Dallas *sigh* but he has to come in the next month lol. So, that’s a relief. I have a doctor appointment on Wednesday, hoping they’ll be able to give me some idea of whether it’s sooner or later. They already told me they thought it would be “sooner” but you know how that goes. I think they just try to get your hopes up sometimes. I can’t decide what I’m looking forward to most about not being pregnant….sleeping on my stomach, having feeling in my hands again, not feeling the bathroom is my second home, or not being so swollen. I think I really just want Dallas. I want to hold him and see him. That's what I'm looking forward to the most.

This weekend we got a lot accomplished (YAY!). We finished running errands which took almost all day Saturday. We got the car seat all hooked up in our car, it looks so cute! Then last night we got one wall in his room finished. We put up wooden letters that we spray painted black. They letters spell out his name. It looks so good. Even better than what I was expecting. All that’s left to do is to finish folding his clothes and put them away. It will be so nice to be 100% finished!

This morning I had a seriously awesome experience. This whole weekend I was feeling slightly discouraged. I felt like things weren’t really coming together for me to be able to stay home. I started doubting and trying to take things into my own hands, thinking “Oh, maybe I could do this….or that.” And of course, no matter how I looked at it, it really wouldn’t work and the things that seemed to work, defeated the purpose. This morning I woke up so extremely depressed. The discouragement from the weekend had grown and I could no longer see God’s hand in anything. I got myself up and got ready. I was downstairs making our lunch for today and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had not felt so down in such a long time. I asked the Lord, “Why? I don’t want to feel this way but I can’t see any solution.” On our way to work a beautiful spirit came over me and I have no doubt in my mind that what came over me was not from God himself. He reminded me of what Karissa said in service last night, about His eye being on the sparrow. How much more does He care for us? He reminded me that even though I have been drawing closer to Him that I have developed a spirit of contentment and that I should not be content with where I am in my relationship with Him, that He wants to be even closer to me. And finally, He reminded me that I have brought this discouragement on myself by doubting Him. That He is in control and He is working. I cannot express the feeling of relief and joy that came over me. He is truly amazing and His mercies are new each morning. I am in awe. Oh, how He loves us.